Reaching the end of a relationship should not always be taken negatively. For most, it becomes a turning point in their lives because it is a new chance to make a new beginning for yourself. Whether it ends because of you, your partner, or other circumstances, you can always choose to see the benefits instead of playing the blame game.
Plenty of experts say that relationships that end usually have already ended before the actual breakup. Through the course of that relationship, there would have been signs and red flags, most of which were ignored because of fear and guilt. These signs can range from small things like disagreements on simple issues to larger concerns such as communication problems. Those in long-term relationships tend to ignore the signs until it’s too late. They end up delaying the inevitable. Trying to fix what’s left of the relationship rather than accepting that it is over.
So, how do we know when it’s over? This is one of the most difficult questions you will ever have to answer, but there is no magic sign to tell you that your relationship has run its course. Nothing will tell you clearly that it is time to move on. However, if you take time to assess what’s happening. You can probably identify some clues for when it is time to let go.
Here are a few of the red flags you should be looking out for when you are trying to see if your relationship is on the verge of coming to an end:
1. You fail to communicate
You may notice that you are no longer communicating with your partner as much as you used to. Whether it’s about things that bother you or something as simple as how your day went when you no longer find yourselves communicating. It is a sign that one of you, or maybe even both, have checked out. Communication is the foundation of any relationship.
Failure to communicate will cause minor problems that lead to bigger, unnecessary issues. If you feel that you and your partner are not communicating as much anymore, try to take time out of your busy schedules to see whether you are falling apart or just plain busy. Ask your partner to go out for a bite at your favorite restaurant or take a stroll in the park. Without the pressure of time, your conversation should flow easily. If the conversation becomes difficult to sustain even without distractions or you realize that you do not care anymore, then it is time to break it off.
2. Sex becomes a chore
A healthy sex life is vital to successful relationships. Remember when you were so crazy about each other and you could not keep your hands off one another? Has that feeling become a distant memory? If your time together in bed has become more of a dull, repetitive routine and feels more of a chore, then you might want to check out what is going on.
It could be because of stress or extremely busy schedules, but when you get the chance, it should never feel like you just have to get it over with. This kind of intimacy aids couples in building more trust and confidence in each other. A little hiccup in your flow of desire is absolutely normal. But if one or both of you have completely lost desire, it may be a sign for you to end it. If you feel like you need to work on this aspect of your life. You can also consider consultation with a professional who specializes in situations like this.
3. You see yourself with someone else
A pretty obvious sign of when it’s over is when you begin longing to be with a person who is not your partner. Whether you are thinking of what could have been with your ex or fantasizing about what your life would be with someone new, you need to accept the fact that your relationship has come to its end.
Delaying discussions about your relationship breakdown in this situation will only cause complications because you will have the tendency to engage in an emotional affair. Instead of finding ways to make your relationship work, you focus your time, attention, and effort on someone else. When you realize that your partner is no longer the person you want to be with and you constantly dream of being with someone else. Instead of prolonging the inevitable, the next best move is to sit down and talk about parting ways. Sometimes ripping that band-aid off now, will hurt you and your partner less in the long-run.
4. There are not enough good times anymore
The point of being in a relationship is having someone to share everything with, may it be good or bad. Every relationship goes through obstacles, and that is perfectly normal. The struggles you face together are vital in building a stronger relationship. It helps you learn to trust each other more and it gives you the assurance that you have each other to lean on.
Your relationship should not be another source of stress in your life. If you have been together for decades and have had a few bad weeks or months. It is not impossible to find the cause and fix it from there. But if it is a relationship that’s pretty new and you find yourself constantly trying to recover from bad times with each other, or you can no longer remember the last good time you have spent together, it’s definitely time to leave.
5. A divide in goals
Your goals in life are what keep you going each day. It’s what motivates you to get up in the morning, and work hard. At any age, you will have goals that you strive for. In your early 20’s, this might be for your career to take off or to begin a business you have been dreaming of. Somewhere along your mid 20’s to early 30’s, it could be building a family and settling down. There may come a time when you find that you and your partner have goals that are not aligned. This may make it difficult to sustain the relationship.
A huge difference in where you see yourselves in the future can cause problems in the long run. You may want to travel more, while your partner wants to settle down. If this is the case, you should sit down with your partner and talk about compromising your different goals if you are both willing. If not then you need to end the relationship before either of you get more invested.
6. Lack of growth
Relationships should help you grow and thrive. That’s the beauty of spending your life with someone. You get the support that your peers cannot provide, and you become a better version of yourself. A healthy relationship makes you feel the growth both individually and as a couple. Your partner should enable you to become more than what you are, and not pressure you into a box where you are not comfortable.
The feeling of being trapped and emotionally drained is a huge red flag. If the relationship feels like it is stopping you from achieving more and becomes something you always have to look out for, it is time to break it up.
7. You are alone, but not single
It takes two to tango. You are in a relationship with your partner and not by yourself. It is one of the many wonders of a relationship. You have someone to share your wins and losses with. Someone to plan your future with, and someone to walk life with.
This means you should not be the only person putting time, attention, and effort in. If you suddenly feel lonely because you or your partner have become distant. Then it is definitely time to reassess where you and your partner are at in the relationship. Take time to understand and identify where the gap is. If it is something you can work on, maybe you can still save your relationship and move forward. When you feel like you are the only one exerting effort in the relationship and your partner does not care anymore. Then it’s pretty clear that the relationship is over.
Relationships are made of two people and should never be one-sided.
Whether you feel like your relationship is not working anymore or you are just looking out for the future, these are some of the things that are often overlooked when it comes to figuring out if a relationship is over. There are plenty more ways you can tell when your relationship has run its course. These are ways only you can figure out. As devastating as it can be, breaking a relationship up as soon as you learn that it is not working anymore is still better than prolonging the agony and delaying the inevitable.
You learned from the relationship and you have wonderful memories together, but sometimes, it is just time to let go. Cry your heart out and wake up the next morning with a smile. Sometimes the most shattering endings can create the most beautiful beginnings.
Send me a message today if you need help on getting through this life transition and I’ll support you through it.